Its been a really busy few weeks/months, and I haven’t had much to post . I’ve been crafting here and there, and have been devouring books left and right. I feel like I’ve been a hermit lately, and I kind of like it.
My 32nd birthday came and went, saw a lot of friends, took down a tweaker, and even got a fabric bacon doll. Not a bad time. I have to say, and I never learn this lesson when in Vegas, when you’re on a roll. Quit.
I kinda got run over this weekend, not literally, but in a “Holy Shit, what the crap just happened” kind of way. So this post, is all about hitting the road of life and figuring out what I want (a trend in these posts).
My parents are a hot mess. No scratch that. Hot implies there’s a cooling period. My folks are a mess with no one to clean up – Like the BP of families. Yeah, yeah. I know…your parents suck too. They all do. I got you beat. Hands down, and yes, I will get into a pissing contest. 🙂
The last day of my week-long birthday celebration ended in me asking my dad to leave my house and to never contact me again. I’ll leave out the details, they aren’t pretty, and its over some shit I pulled almost 20 years ago. Yep. Happy birthday, your dad is bat shit crazy.
So I am trying to figure out what that looks like, and how it will be to not have someone in my life. After watching him deteriorate over the last 15 years, and taking care of him, I think its just easier to walk away. You can’t keep getting calls from the hospital or family at 2 am that your father has OD’d on pain pills trying to kill himself again, and should they medically induce a coma, or just hope for the best; or that he lied to the police and put your mom in jail and could I please come and help; or….
In a way, I am really relieved. Its one less thing to worry about. One less mess to clean up, but its still hard to know that someone is so miserable, and is hurting so badly that they lash out for no reason. So I have been driving down the middle of the road, looking behind me at the life I have been living for almost 20 years: Care taker, social worker, advocate and daughter; all while looking ahead at a bright new shiny life with less drama and more time for myself. I gotta say, its so tempting to keep driving and not look back.
Right now, I think of a sculpture a friend had over his door, and feel like its fitting of where I am at now. Its a crumped up road, laying over a car.
Somedays, your the driver…somedays you get run over.
Here’s to happier posts next time.